Month: March 2021

Gender Journey #1, Private Consultation with Gender GP

After dealing with the NHS and my Doctors, I’m done. So I’ve decided to go private and chose Gender GP as my private service of choice. This is my experience, or should that be experiences? as no doubt, there will be many more posts about Gender GP as my journey continues.

On 1st March 2021, I took the decision to engage the services of a Private Clinic to help on my gender journey after finding out the waiting list for Sheffield Gender Identity Clinic is now 40 months.

It took a few days for me to sort out my finances but I completed the online form on, which I admit took me about 3 hours, as I like to give clear concise details. Especially when filling in something which is relevant to the rest of my life.

The form is submitted, a fee is paid and confirmation is received. I am offered the choice of booking an online information gathering session and I’m shocked the earliest appointment is just 48 hours later.

An appointment booked with Diana for 7:30 the following Tuesday. 48 hours later!

Tuesday arrives, 7:30 pm arrives and I have my information gathering session with Diana. I immediately click with her as she’s a fellow Mancunian.

We talk over Google Chat for about 30 minutes and she asks me about my life, my upbringing, my journey, my dysphoria and more.

I will know more in the next 2-4 weeks.

Onwards and upwards.

I hate being hairy

I am hairy and I hate being hairy. I really do and always have done and it’s one of my biggest body dysphoria issues. Hairy legs, arms, back and chest along with a hairy backside 🙁

It’s bothered me all my adult life and I spend lots of time and effort in removing it. Shaving, Plucking, Depletary creams, Epilators and IPL machines.

Arms, Legs, Chest, and Back all get the same treatment, and those bits I can’t reach myself, such as my back, I pay someone to help me.

I shave my legs and arms and sometimes I use an epilator but it’s painful most times I use it and it takes longer than shaving, but it gives good results.

I’ve used a lot of hair removal creams on my body but always end up disappointed and end up shaving or having them waved.

My back is always waxed and it lasts for weeks. At the moment because of Covid lockdown, I’m struggling to get this done and my dysphoria is on high alert at the moment.

My face is a problem and sometimes my Dysphoria get so bad I will sit and pluck all my facial hair out of my face with tweezers which is really painful but it’s also the only way I can be shave free for over a week, and if I keep on top of it I can make it last for months.

I haven’t had any appreciable amount of hair on my chin now since Christmas 2020 and every time I see a few hairs then out comes my tweezers and its sayonara facial hair. I can’t pluck my upper lip hair as it’s just too painful.

I even tried having it waxed but again the pain was too much but I keep trying it as my top lip bothers me as well.

Once a month I even have nasal hair and ear hair waxed and in summer this is usually more often.

I just hate being hairy!

You never know who you’ll meet on a dog walk

I was working in central Manchester today and took, my dog, Chante with me and, when finished working we went for a walk around the city center.

As the city is very quiet I had Chante off the lead and as I walked down Portland Street a lady approached me and said “Hello, Merci” and said “What a beautiful Brittany”.

You don’t know how rare it is for the public at large to know what breed my dog is and I think in 16 years of ownership, this is perhaps the 3rd or 4th time I’ve had this happen.

Anyway, she made a monumental fuss of Chante and started speaking to her in French and ended up knelt down on the pavement stroking Chante.

We talked for a while as I could see she was quite emotional and was actually crying.

Turns out she is from La Rochelle and had a Brittany which was being looked after by her parents. She was due to go home in December but Covid and work meant she had to stay.

Unfortunately, her Brittany had died over the Christmas period and she wasn’t there to be with her.

We talked for about half an hour while she stroked Chante, I don’t know if this made things better or worse but she was distressed. Hopefully, she’ll phone me and I can take Chante to meet her for a walk with her before she returns to France.

Funny old world but hopefully Chante made someone feel better.

Dealing with my doctors, 11/03/21

After the elation of the weekend and speaking to GenderGP today has been a massive depression after dealing with my doctors. It has left me crying my eyes out and more depressed than for many years.

The conversation with my GP today has reaffirmed my opinion that the NHS does not want to or are reluctant to help trans people or are hell bent on putting blocks in place.

I phoned my GP today to confirm that they would indeed support my prescriptions as 4 weeks ago the last doctor I spoke to said there shouldn’t be a problem which in my book doesn’t mean yes. Hence why I was checking.

On speaking to another doctor at the practice today, not only did she say they wouldn’t support me using Gender GP but she also cast aspersions about the owners of Gender GP which I have investigated and found to be untrue. She said that the owners of Gender GP had been struck off the medical register and it turns out they have been suspended. So allegations are not true. Very unprofessional of my GP.

My GP’s have said they will not support me in using Gender GP and said they will only help me if I use the assigned gender clinic, ie: Sheffield GIC. Which at present has a waiting time of 44 months. So much for the NHS’s 18 weeks referral times!

I am absolutely crushed by this but determined to forge forward and will pay for my own prescriptions and blood tests if needs be.

I have already paid for my own psychotherapy, and this is just another kick in the teeth or block in the way from the NHS.

After a year on the waiting list, I am still no further forward.

Time to take matters into my own hands.

Time to make time for my own matters.

NHS waiting lists, expect them to get longer

I want to put my thoughts on NHS waiting lists out there for folks to comment on. What I’m seeing personally and with friends and family really worries me.

It’s March 2021 and we’re still being told to “Stay at home, Save lives, Protect the NHS”.

That’s all well and good as the NHS fights Covid but what’s happening to the NHS waiting lists?

No, really! What’s happening to them?


Personal experience so far.

First off let me speak my piece about my own personal experience as someone who is on an NHS waiting list to see a Gender Identity Specialist.

I was referred by my GP in early 2020 and was told to expect a wait of 20 months!

This is to see the specialist who then decides whether to put you on another waiting list to proceed down the road of Gender Reassignment. This is NOT to start the process, just to see a specialist who decides if you can proceed down this road.

In October 2020 I received a letter stating that they acknowledge my referral and that I am now on the waiting list to see a specialist and the waiting time is currently 30 months.

Fast forward to February 2021 and this has now jumped to 44 months.

That’s almost 4 years!

Even if the waiting list doesn’t get any longer that means it will have to be over 4 years on a waiting list to see a specialist!

So, I have decided to go private, filled a form in online, I have an online consultation and can see a specialist next week!

I have friends who don’t have this luxury and are stuck in the queue.

Now some people might, and have, say, “Well your issues aren’t life-threatening”.

Sorry, they are very important to those of us who find ourselves in this position and Trans people already have one of the highest suicide rates, so tell me again, it’s not important. How would you feel if you had to wait 4 years to see a specialist? Well, you might have to if the waiting lists continue to get longer.

So, this brings me into other services and experiences with friends and family who are on NHS waiting lists.


Friend #1

I am quite angry about this one as this is affecting this man’s life now to the point where he is literally house-bound because he is waiting for a hip operation which was originally scheduled for April 2020.

Three times now he has been given dates for operations, three times he’s self-isolated and had a Covid test, and three times the operation has been canceled!

The poor sod is beside himself and is now trying to scrape together the money to get this done privately, even selling his car, as like myself he doesn’t see an end to his misery anytime soon.

The hospital has told him to expect at least another 6 months before the operation can feasibly be rescheduled.

That’s 6 months he’s housebound, that’s 6 months he’s in constant pain every time he moves, and that’s 6 months of his life he could be recovering in lieu of returning to work and earning himself and this country money.


Friend #2

Because of lockdown, he is now facing certain death because his cancer wasn’t diagnosed soon enough.

Due to see a specialist in March of 2020, this was postponed again and again and by the time he was diagnosed, it was July by which time the cancer was inoperable and he is relying on radiotherapy to try to remove the cancer.

Poor bloke has already resigned himself to the fact he is probably going to die prematurely.

I won’t say any more on this as it makes me so very sad and also so very angry at the same time.


Friend #3

Dealing with a parent at the end of their life isn’t the easiest thing to deal with.

I know this from experience as my father passed away in March 2020 but at least we were able to have the care and support of the NHS.

Imagine you’re dealing with a parent who is incapacitated because of illness and then imagine nearly all the support mechanisms, which would make your parents and your life easier at this harrowing time, pulled from underneath you and your parent. The NHS has said she would only get any end-of-life care if she was moved into a hospital or a care home.

Caregivers have not been to see her mother now since October and she has been looking after her mother since.



The health service survived covid but is it going to survive the increasing waiting lists?

The mental issues as yet undiagnosed?

Or the obesity issues caused by lockdown?

Or are you in the “it’ll be right!”, camp?

Let me know your thoughts.

Religion, why I’m done with it and people who spout it

I hear many times, mainly from religious types, that what you are doing is wrong?

Do you mean legally or morally in the eyes of some almighty god?

Well, wrong in the eyes of your god obviously!


If you’re going to ask me this question you better have a fucking good answer to back up your question.

Don’t say to me because he, “God” says it’s wrong or the bible says it’s wrong. This will get you sworn at, by me, if you say this!

Anyway, the short answer to this question is, “screw you!” or show me in the bible where it says my lifestyle is wrong?


When did you become the moral arbiter of my life?

First off. Legally I’m doing nothing wrong. No law has been broken, in fact by discriminating or abusing me, it is you who is breaking the law!

Thankfully though, we live in a society in the UK where being transgender is not illegal.


Secondly. Morally!

Define morally. No honestly get your writing head-on and write why you think what I am doing is morally wrong!

I’ve been asked this on several occasions usually by people who are covered in tattoos or have some kind of axe to grind against alternative lifestyles, trans or homosexual people.

If I told you you couldn’t have tattoos or couldn’t worship your man on a cloud, what would you tell me to do?

Fuck off right?

Also don’t make some shit up on the spot as I will remember what you tell me, I will research what you tell me, and I will come back to you and tell you what you’ve told me is bullshit!

So, why would you think my answers will be any different from yours?

Please also don’t take a verse from your religious book and then twist it into something different. That is unless you believe in Nostradamus as well?


And thirdly in the eyes of your God.

Let’s just say my views on religion are only based on the religious people that I meet and converse with. I am sure the lord almighty is probably hunky-dory with me and your views are those passed down to you by others or your interpretation of the “good book”. Whichever book that is, be it the Bible or Koran. Notice how I haven’t included other books, cos those who follow Judaism have never once abused me! Not once!

If you think that reading a religious book several times a week makes you some kind of morally incorruptible super being then you’re a deluded fool.

I really should screenshot some of the messages I get on Facebook and Instagram from supposedly religious people asking me if I perform all sorts of sexual acts because I am transgender. Your public persona on social media says “Family man” but the messages you send me says “Sexual Deviant”!

Then they’re asking me if we can be friends or they can be my fuckbuddy, and nine times out of ten I check out these people’s profiles and a lot of these are believers in god or even have pictures of themselves standing outside a church or with a pastor or Iman.

The religious community seems to think that they are always whiter than white! This is one of the reasons I hate, yes, hate religion. It turns what are normally nice people into utter assholes. That’s a generalisation though as I know as some religious folk are actually nice people! Not many but some are.

So no, I don’t want to be your friend or your fuck buddy, even if you are religious.

Am I wrong?

I’m going to answer this in one way only.

If I was doing something wrong in the eyes of the Lord then either the Lord should come down and tell me that I am doing something wrong or maybe the next time I walk through a church door he should strike me down with a thunderbolt from the heavens. We all know that won’t happen and the above religious types probably have an answer for that as well!

The last time I went into a church was just over a year ago and guess what, God didn’t show his displeasure but those inside the church did!

Plus, and let’s be honest here, even if there was a line in the Bible that you could point to and it says I shouldn’t be doing this, then I really don’t give a shit! It’s my life and I live my life as I want. I live my life as makes me happy.

There are lots and lots of lines in the Bible that completely contradict other lines in the Bible. It also depends on which interpretation of the Bible you read.

If you want to be nice to me, I’ll be nice back. Whether you be religious, or not.

Just be nice, isn’t that how life works?

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