First off, I’ve been on my transition journey now for over 6 years and have been on HRT for 5.

Secondly, I look at photos of myself pre-transition and don’t recognise that person anymore but all this can be immaterial in the eyes of the world.

Thirdly, you have no control over how others see you or how they address you!

Why, what’s made me feel like this?

In the past two days I’ve been misgendered 4 times in less than 24 hours and it’s smashed my confidence back down to zero.

Admittedly last night, one of the times I was called “sir”, was when I was in my scruffs when I popped out to get stuff from the local convenience store but the other three times I was in full makeup and a fucking dress!

One of the joys, nay! downsides, of being transgender I suppose is that you have to accept how the world sees you, not how you see yourself!

My girlfriend, as ever, is hyper supportive but today I feel like shit and have had a cry for the first time in quite a while!

C’est la vie!

We move on. Tomorrow is another day!

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What is Coin Clipping?

Coin clipping was a practice in medieval times where people would cut a little bit of each coin that passed through their hands. The coins usually in those times had precious metals in them and those who handled the coins would take a little piece, a cutting or clip, of each coin and then melt a collection of shavings down to make extra cash.

A really good description can be found in this introduction to coin clipping.

So, how does this compare to the modern debit/credit card clipping?

With our modern card payment systems, each time you use a debit or credit card, a “transaction fee” is levied to every single purchase meaning each time a payment is made (a transaction), a small fee is levied to the merchant.

The merchant/business is charged this fee and is then minus the free from the amount displayed/charged in their online, store, shop or eatery.

A good example would be that if the store were to charge £10.00 and the transaction fee was 1.5% then the store would receive £9.85 and the processing agent, or payment gateway receive the remaining £0.15.

“With an estimated 678 billion global credit card transactions in 2022 (equivalent to an average of 1.86 billion per day)”

Figures can be found here

This fee is for enabling the transaction from the customer to the merchant.

Thus they have clipped a tiny bit of the merchants money. 0.15% of the transaction.

From figures I found on Google, Visa process about 660,000,000 transactions per day. That’s a lot of clipping!

Let’s say each transaction is only a small amount of £10, and the average transaction fee is 1% then the amount received by the credit card companies would be some £66,000,000. And this is happening every single day, so times that by 365 and you get £24,090,000,000! And this is only one card payment type.

All hypothetical numbers of course but I’m sure the real figures are out there somewhere!

So can credit card payments be compared to medical coin clipping?

Well, I certainly think so and the more transactions we do by card, on the way to a cashless society, then the more money the bank will clip from customers and merchants alike.

Picture this though, if cash is removed from society what is to stop the banks increasing these fees ad hoc?

Or indeed charging you the consumer to use your debit card?

Who knows??!?!?!?

Photo by tommao wang on Unsplash

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And, let me be brutally honest, I’m not asking or expecting people to accept me or understand my life or who I am anyway!

Live and let live is my motto.

Today, I’ve been to a small independent museum within a village in rural Wales and the reaction from a few of the locals was bizarre but not bad!

So we, Lilly Jae and I, walk into this place, hand in hand, and the experience we went through has stunned us both.

We have talked about this after we left and we’re shocked, firstly because the conversation was polite, but ultimately intrusive from someone who was probably a very conservative rural Welsh villager!

Upon entry, we were greeted by the elderly male proprietor and it was here the questions began. Some about both our genders, sexuality and later leading into sex changing.

He was clearly confused as to which of us were which sex, and how our dynamic worked as a couple, he swiftly took to pointing out how we “girls” should look at their information section on “how to look after men” which was said joking but also felt underhandedly condescending. Lilly quickly smiled and said “oh that’s fine, thank you, we don’t need to know this as we look after each other just fine. So, thank you.”

It was this polite manor that we maintained throughout the encounter that maybe bought the elderly man to realise quickly that he was digging himself a hole. A hole which he kept digging, but it wasn’t being done in a malicious or nasty way just more a generational blind side to LGBTQ couples and this soon turned into a fascination of some sorts.

He followed us around the museum making conversation and offered us tea on the house. This felt like a peace offering and was added to about the museums new display of information regarding being homosexual in the past. We wondered about the museum, and every now and then he would ask if we had been up to the homosexual area to view the materials.

To which we laughed this off and said, “we’re happy with each other, thank you very much” and hugged each other.

We wandered off and later one of the men came over to us, obviously intrigued, but he must have had some kind of preconceived idea about trans people or lesbians in general, and I don’t think he could truly work out if we were lesbians or one or both of us was transgender.

By this time he was quite nervous but we kind of laughed it off and went on our merry way but are shocked at the level of sub conscious ignorance out there.

We have talked about it and we aren’t angry about this but we are mainly stunned that there is a level of generational ignorance about the LGBTQ+ community.

Especially when the museum has a section on LGBTQ+ and transgender history.

The post Yes I know I’m transgender appeared first on Official website of Mikki Tiamo.

My friend turned up at 7:20 and she said the queue to get in was all the way up to Bloom Street and all the way to the Eagle.

In all my years of going to vigils and memorials I have never seen the gardens this full.

The vigil speakers were amazing but as was said many times, we have come together to remember a life which should not have been lost.

I hope that all the people who where there last night spread the word of what happened.

The media were there as well last night and I have noticed all the photos used of Manchester have either been zoomed in or cropped. Possibly to not show how many people were there.

So here’s mine so you can see how many people attended.

RIP Brianna Ghey

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First of all, my own sanity!

I don’t think I can stand to have my heart broken again and because I’m an oddity people want to chat with me, date me and sleep with me.

The latter is mainly men but its women and couples as well. I realise that sounds conceited but its true.

After the last few relationships, friend zoning is also needed because in those relationships what happens in private and in public are two different matters.

I’ve been out with a few people whom in private would be all over me but in public wouldn’t even hold my hand as we walked down the street together, even in Manchester’s Village!!

Friend zoned in public

When I asked my girlfriend’s/boyfriends about this, I’m dumped or dropped into their friend zone with comments such as “You’re paranoid” or the classic “because!”. Because of what?

Secondly, I come across sometimes as quite guarded because of events in my past but, all I’m doing is protecting myself.

I am an extremely outgoing person and wear my heart on my sleeve and on occasions I might come across as overly friendly and this is usually when I meet someone, especially if I have a good relationship with them. However, I usually fuck it up because I friend zone them as I’d rather sit and chat that anything else. I’ve fucked up friendships because we took things to the next level and it ruined things!

Thirdly, on the flips side, I’ll also friend zone anyone who fucks with my emotions.

It’s hard enough to put myself into a frame of mind to start a new friendship or relationship and taking the piss is a sure fire way for me to ignore you.

I’m also getting too old for games.

I get treated like a fucking idiot sometimes and I’m actually very intelligent!

And don’t get me started on chasing people.

Fourthly, to some people relationships are a game. Really, too old for that as well.

Be honest, tell me your intentions and let’s crack on!

If you’ve got something to say, say it, and if you expect me to say something and I do, don’t be put out by what I say.

For me to say something however you’d have to be bloody special for me to put you anywhere else but the friend zone.

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The alternative is you slowly hate yourself more and more every day and that hate will eventually kill you a little bit more inside every day. That is either until you hurt yourself or isolate yourself from everything and everyone.

Have that conversation sooner rather than later and be happy with what you are and not what you think you should be.

It took me 48 years of my life to have that conversation and I can truly say, I am now the happiest I’ve ever been in my life. Firstly because I admit what I am and secondly because having done the first I am at peace with myself.

You can’t run away from yourself. You can’t as you have to live with yourself each and every day.

Sure you can numb your thoughts with drugs or drink but one day you’ll sober up and realise you’re still there.

Seek help, seek your true self, even if you might not like it, and be happy with yourself.

You cant find true happiness through others, only inner peace will bring true happiness.

The post Running away from yourself appeared first on Official website of Mikki Tiamo.

Some people have lots and friends and family around who are supportive while they seek to find themselves or be themselves, while some of us choose solitary lives while we seek to find ourselves or to be ourselves.

Not everyone is the same and society pulls and pushes us to fit into certain boxes.

I’ve sat and pondered the answers to “who am I” and tried to find myself over the years and this has sometime lead to me hiding and even running away to find that elusive being – that is myself!

I’m here to tell you not to conform to those boxes but to make your own box.

Don’t sit inside one of societies little boxes, design, build or imagine your own box and once you’ve built it, make sure you spend time evolving that box – to make it a better version of yourself.

Don’t let “society” dictate who you should be and be who you want to be, unless its an axe murderer or homicidal maniac, then don’t be that. Or maybe do be that but perhaps not practise what’s in your box. Oxymoron alert!

Dress as you like, wear your hair as you like, pierce things, tattoo bits, be nice, be moody, be extreme, be friendly, be unfriendly, be happy, be sad, be cooperative, hide away, eat, drink and be merry or starve, be teetotal and be a miserable fucker!

The choice is yours. But be yourself.

Don’t let other dictate what you can and can’t be in your life.

I’ve spent a long time in my life trying to conform to what I think other people want and ultimately ended up unhappy because making others happy has not brought me happiness. In the short term I saw the pleasure in the eyes of others but time and time again this was short lived and my last deed is always expected to be surpassed.

I’ve learnt that by being me, being nice and being happy is more than enough for those who are my true friends and lovers. They don’t expect anything from me other than to be myself. And in our relationship, be it friend or otherwise, nothing is expected in return.

I digress.

We are all individuals, we all deserve happiness and we all should be who we want to be.

Be yourself my love’s and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Love Mikki

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In the past 3 years I’ve experienced a divorce, relationship breakups, break downs in business relationships and loss of friendships because of a mix of the above or because of what others think I should do.

No more!

I value my friendships now like they were precious jewels.

No that’s not right!

More precious than precious jewels because at the end of the day precious jewels are just expensive bits of rock or minerals pulled from the earth. Inanimate objects which ultimately for a financial exchange can be replaced. They have no function other than to look pretty or say, “look at my bling!”.

Friendship on the other hand are more than that. Friendships, true friends are irreplaceable and will be there for you no matter what.

The ability to spend time with people you love and care for, chat and discuss the world, discuss your/their problems, discuss your/their thoughts, play music, talk rubbish, talk about those deepest thoughts, share stuff, share your life and care for each other.

I know that’s what a relationship is but multiple friends = multiple faceted relationships and when all your friends are also friends with your other friends this makes an amazing bond.

New Years Eve 2019/2020 to me was like being slapped around the head when over 30 of the people I have known for over 20 years were all in the same room and were all conversing with each other. I was bloody amazing and I loved being part of it and it was one of the best New Year’s Eve ever with festivities going on for almost all of New Years Day.

Since February 2019 I’ve been on what can only be described as an emotional rollercoaster with massive ups and downs and my friends have helped me through some of the very worst time. When I was at my very lowest they’ve picked me up, discussed things with me, let me talk, listened, offered advice, and helped me climb out of the hole I’d ended up in. 2019 was both the happiest year of my life, followed by the saddest year of my life.

So, I’ve found that over the past few months getting off my arse and going seeing friends I haven’t seen for years has been a real eye opener and sitting with some people I haven’t spoken to for 20 years has been like 20 minutes. We’ve just picked up and carried on like the past 20 years haven’t passed and I’ve missed some of them so, so much.

Never again will I forsake my friends and I’ve actually found myself saying “Love you mate” to many of my long term friends, just so they know how much they mean to me. I’ve also discovered that true friends don’t say. “see you later”, “night” or all that shit that’s associated with saying “good bye”. You just leave each other, and you pick up where you left off the day, week, month, years before.

I’ve been chatting to a good friend of mine recently and she texts me nearly every day and our conversations are like we haven’t been apart. Even if that time apart is but for a day or a week.

Even if we just say “Hey, how’s your day?” something which hit me like a thunder bolt when I was really ill recently. So much so, that when I didn’t reply to messages for 24 hours, she actually drove round to my house to make sure I was okay as she couldn’t raise me on text or the phone. She stood hammering on my front door till I answered.

She has also been brutally honest with me and told me she’d kept away from me in the past because of my past relationships, which made me very sad!

I have recently met up with some friends from my teenage years over the past two months and after a great day out in Manchester we all commented on how great it was after not seeing each other for 27 years. It was like we’d never been apart. When we were in our late teens we used to hang about together until work, marriage and families got in the way but 5 minutes after we’d met up, it was like we hadn’t been apart for so long. We had talked on Facebook in the past but that’s just not the same as being with folk in person.

We’re all older and fatter and a some of us are a little balder but we just picked up where we left off and chewed the fat about life, the universe and everything.

The emotional overload for all of us was a bit much if I’m honest and tears where cried when we discussed past events which effected us all. Such as the friends who are no longer with us and events which could have ended all of us.

I’ve also connected on another level with an amazing friend of mine. A friend who has always been distant because there is always someone else with one of us when we meet and perhaps this has been why sometimes we don’t talk as much.

It has been said because of the connection I have with him and the way we interact together over the past few months that he is now more at peace with himself when we’re together than he is with other friends. I probably know more about him than many of his local friends and his wife has said when I’m about he is happier to talk, more open, more relaxed. We do have a bloody good laugh together and this is something we haven’t been able to do when I’ve been round in the past because there has always been a barrier there. Not in a bad way but because neither of us are as open when others are present. Maybe we are at ease now with each others partners but I’m glad I’ve taken the time and made an effort to get to know his wife so much better over the past few months.

As my life has changed over the past few months and I embark on a different direction my friends have stood beside me and supported me in a way I’ve never experienced before. They’re almost honoured that I have confided in them about things in my life and I couldn’t have done what I have without their support since September. The happiness I have got from their love and support has been pivotal in my recent decisions.

So, my beautiful, loving friends I salute you. You all have my love and affection and i’ll be round soon to chew the fat for hours or even days and drink all your tea!

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