My doctors have decided they now have another line of defence against their patients in the “Doctors Defense Network”.

“Ring, Ring”

Firstly, a prerecorded message is about Coronabollocks and takes 40 seconds.

Queue the second pre-recorded message which is over 1 minute 10 long and tells you the procedure but not why.

Next, is the options for who to speak to which as far as I can tell all seem to go through to the same people on reception. Press 1 to book an appointment, press 2 to speak to reception by pressing another number, press 3 and speak to reception after a long wait, press 4 to listen to a different ring tone for a short period and then be transferred to reception, and press 5 for anything else as long as its speak to reception.

So, you’ve navigated all the prerecorded messages and sat on hold so long you now need a haircut, and it’s time to do battle with the receptionist.

These people who with their fully armed arsenal of medical training, ie: fuck all, get to decide if you are worthy and do actually need an appointment.

By the way, this is not to speak to a Doctor but to speak to a “Care Navigator”
(What the F is a Care Navigator? Why do we need one? We all know this is a bullshit name for a made-up job! Do these Care Navigators have any medical training? First Aid course maybe? Who knows!)

Again, if the Care Navigator says, “You are worthy” they will then make an appointment for you to speak to a Doctor.

All this is over the phone of course!

We don’t want you to come down to our surgery with your bugs, germs, and diseases.

(I still want to know how they listen to your chest or do a blood pressure test over the phone? and they’re going to need a good aim to take blood over the phone!)

 

Does anyone have any recommendations for a decent Doctors Surgery or are they all like this?

PS I am aware that someone, somewhere, in a place far far away is justifying this but it’s so annoying when you need to speak to your Doctor about your prescribed medicine, and each time you have to jump through these hoops!