I’m sorry to those
Around me now
I know I am a moody cow
But my head and heart
Feel weird this time
Like something inside
Inside me died
Just want to curl up
Or cry in my head
Maybe scream out loud in private
Locked up in a shed

Can’t put my finger
On why I feel like this
But really feel emotionally drained
Like my zest for life
Has gone away
Temporary blip
On a downer for the day
Let’s home this feeling
It goes away
But for today
I feel weird
Emotionally vacant
No here, if that okay?
Let’s see if it changes
After I eat a burger with bacon
Or a margarita with bourbon
Emotionally vacant

The post I don’t know why appeared first on Official website of Mikki Tiamo.

This has really made me think WTF these people were thinking about my partner???

More so what do they actually think of me if they treat my partner in such a way, when they can see how happy I am with this beautiful human.

Especially when I’d been single for a great number of years.

I bring someone into my friend circles, and those friends first of all treat her with suspicion, then as an imposter, they then treat her with disrespect and then some of the treat her as a threat because they feel threatened by a female DJ.

She’s even been accused of chatting shit to another DJ when all she was trying to do was be friendly while she picked her kit up out of the DJ booth, which she’d left after her earlier set!

I’ve stepped into her world and none of her friends, not one, have disrespected me in any way. Not even a bad word about me.

It’s time to re evaluate my friend circles because if my friends are like this then are they really my friends?

This to me is a massive head fuck as why would these people treat my partner in such a way, especially when they can see how happy I am with this woman.

I’m not even going to give it any more air time in my head but just putting this on paper as there that some people have a low opinion of either me, Lilly, us both or themselves!

The post Friendship groups appeared first on Official website of Mikki Tiamo.

I’ve met quite a few people recently who after a few minutes of conversation, think it’s a valid question to ask a trans person, “So, I hope you don’t mind me asking but, what genitals do you have?”

This question is sometimes preceded with “If its not offensive, can I ask….”

Why would you ask me this? Why would you think it wasn’t offensive? What is going through your mind when you’re asking me this?

By the very act of adding this sentence you’ve made it even more offensive than it was already!!!!

Can you imagine me asking you “how big is your penis?” Or “how big are your vaginal lips?”

Or some equally offensive question.

Not a valid question is it?

If anyone asks me this again, then my response will be to just walk away!

The post Don’t ask me what’s inside my pants appeared first on Official website of Mikki Tiamo.

No. No they didn’t!

All that trauma actually did was give me some very weird coping skills, a fucked up sense of humour and a lot of really nasty habits and kinks!

The post Traumas appeared first on Official website of Mikki Tiamo.

People look at my online life and say to me, “Oh my god Mikki, you have such a wonderful life”, but what you see online is only a small selection of the things in my life.

The good things I do, I do, to balance out the bad things.

You see the confidence, the beauty, the fun and the happiness I have in my life but you don’t see everything.

Because there’s a flip side.

The unhappiness, the internal traumas, the issues with my self rejection, problems with my mental health, and the eternal self sabotage.

Not to mention the crippling anxiety and loneliness I feel every single day.

“But, Mikki, you look so happy”

Yes, I may do but sometimes, however I sit on my own and feel like my heart or my mind is going to explode, as doubt and ill reason grip me and drag me down.

The number of times I have sat and cried myself to sleep this year alone is way too many times to count.

Just in the past six months my life has been up and down so much I’ve actually considered ending it!

Yes, I put on a happy front and pretend everything is okay but it hasn’t been.

So, before you judge what you see on peoples social media pages, be it, good or bad, and then post some shitty comment, think about what that person is going through in their life.

If you don’t like or agree with how someone portrays their life online, unfollow or unfriend them, don’t post shitty comments!

You don’t know what that person is truly dealing with.

The post What you see online appeared first on Official website of Mikki Tiamo.

I want to know as I’m meeting people who I find both emotionally and physically attractive but I always seem to end up as their “trans friend” or “gay friend”

Which I guess, kind of makes me the token gay friend!

Someone to confide in, someone to tell about their newest crush, someone to talk over ideas about their sexuality, or just someone to throw filthy innuendo at and think this will not illicit a reaction!

No, just because you think that as the TGF I don’t have those feelings, or have an opinion on your latest crush, or want to discuss your sexuality.

It’s all very weird how some folk think I about how I perceive the straight world and think I don’t understand it.

Sorry but I’ve got a lot of experience with this and probably know more than many as I’ve lived two lives, both straight and gay! So I do understand, I do have opinions and I do have feelings.

So don’t be upset or annoyed when I voice my concerns or options on these matters. Because if you can’t handle my opinions and possible advances then you shouldn’t be talking to me about that shit.

Maybe if you don’t want that then you need to find a Silent Token Gay Friend, or STGF!

At the end of the day I know what I love, what I understand and also why we are friends.

I’ve shut people down in the past because people underestimate me as a human being first, and their token gay friend second.

The post Token Gay Friend appeared first on Official website of Mikki Tiamo.

I’m not angry with the other person, I’m angry with myself, for letting them inside my mental fortress again.

I promised myself, after the last one, that I wouldn’t do it. I have my closed circle of friends and I let somebody new inside and they’ve hurt me really badly and while I’m upset that they’ve done this to me, I cannot explain the anger inside me at this moment.

I’m angry that I’ve let somebody else into my life who I loved and cared about.

My trouble is I’m too trusting a person. I can’t help myself it’s in my nature, and the after last time I vowed I’d never let anybody make me feel like this.

I have let myself down and that is why I’m angry!

Especially angry because I trusted this person and yet here we are again with me feeling betrayal and to some extent helpless with my emotions!

Never again will I let anybody else into my life in that way again!

My trust is to be earnt these days and not given freely.

I’m also really angry that I neglected my best friends for this person and there’s a consequence I never feel like I have to make amends to my other friends because I push them aside for this person. And that also makes me feel really sad!

But you know what the really stupid thing is that if they called me right now I’d probably still speak to them!

The post Really angry appeared first on Official website of Mikki Tiamo.

Do it once, it’s annoying but okay!

Do it twice, and beware, you’re on notice.

Do it 3 times and I’ll distance myself from you so quickly you won’t believe it, and have done on numerous occasions.

I’m four years down the line now and if you see me as I was four years ago then you either don’t care about me, or have some kind of problem with me being transgender.

I don’t do this to be nasty, or to be disrespectful. I do it to protect my own sanity, and my own sanity is more important to me than anyone else’s mental thought processes or inability to see me as what I am now. Basically, see ya later!

If you can’t remember my pronouns, use my name and if you can’t remember my name, try “Hun”, “friend” or even “mate”.

It’s not hard!

The post How I deal with misgendering appeared first on Official website of Mikki Tiamo.

This is a question I keep asking myself, especially when I get stonewalled by businesses because I am transgender.

As many transgender people are generally affluent and have money to spend in businesses, and some businesses choose not to deal with transgender people either because of their beliefs or their prejudices.

Lets take my own “self-care” regime as an example.

When I first started out on my journey nearly four years ago quite a few of the hair salons and nail bars I went to would not deal with, and I quote “a man”

Now, after 4 years and having my nails and hair done every month, that’s 48 months times by £100, for both combined, that’s, give or take, nearly £5,000 your business hasn’t received because of your beliefs or prejudice.

If this is something you can’t put aside then while I commend your resolve, I also wonder what kind of cash flow your business receives.

Maybe the prejudice isn’t just your own, but that of your other clients. Other clients who you think may not give you work because you are dealing with a transgender person in your business.

Again this probably says more about the area your business operates in than your business. It also says a hell of a lot about your clientele, especially if they voice concerns that you are dealing with transgender people.

Over all in my business we don’t discriminate against individuals and we mainly only deal with businesses who are LGBTQ+ friendly as much as possible.

Photo by Giorgio Trovato on Unsplash

The post Can you business afford to ignore the Transgender Dollar, or pound? appeared first on Official website of Mikki Tiamo.

Let me explain this.

A phobia, specifically transphobia, is the fear of something, in this case transgender people. Transgender people such as myself and many of my friends.

This is more often than not male to female transgender people, as this is what the media and haters seem to focus on. Typically through their myths and legends which they “think” are gospel!

This fear, phobia or hate is aimed at the way that we, the transgender community, have the audacity to live our lives or because of the misinformation they believe, perceive or have been fed about the this community.

Now, fear is not what is being aimed at the transgender community at the moment.

It’s hate!

The Greek word for hate is -misia, phobia being the Greek word for fear.

Transmisia

Misia is defined as:

From Greek for hate or hatred.

Misia can be appended to minoritised identifiers that are targeted for hate.

So, this brings us to the word transmisia.

Hatred for transgender people or the transgender community.

Therefore, the next time you hear harmful and derogatory terms being aimed at the transgender community remember this isn’t a fear or phobia of transgender people it’s hate of transgender people.

Or Transmisia!

The post It’s not Transphobia. It’s Transmisia! appeared first on Official website of Mikki Tiamo.