Month: January 2022

I really don’t want to exist anymore.

I really don’t want to exist anymore. I just can’t shake the feeling at the moment that I’d be better off not being here.

  • Nothing is going right in my life.
  • I feel like shit all the time.
  • I can’t seem to do anything right in my life.
  • I’m so fucking lonely despite being surrounded by people all day long.
  • My home life is so fucked up – it’s almost like a reality TV show.
  • I really don’t want to live here.
  • The house is a shithole,
  • The village I live in sucks ass, its like the 1840’s!
  • I’m flat fucking broke because no fucker is paying me despite chasing people!
  • I’m out of my drugs as theirs a nationwide shortage.

Coupled with this throw in a massive dose of body dysphoria, a lack of the drugs which have been keeping me on an even keel, a sick pet, housemate I don’t want to be with, mother who’s still grieving my father, and many more things.

I’m also too nice to tell everyone to fuck off when they come to me with their problems. I sit and listen and this compounds my issues!

I really want all the pain to go away!

I know my friends will be mortified but none of them want to listen to my problems and I feel I don’t have anyone I can talk too and I really can’t deal with how I feel!

For the 10th night in a row, I’ve basically laid in my bed and cried until either I fall asleep or until I become numb from crying. When I do sleep it’s poor quality or I dream about my problems which just makes things worse!

I also don’t see how I can make things better either.

For the first time in my life, I wish I was dead but don’t worry I honestly don’t have the bottle to kill myself!!!

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