I’ve been asked by a few subscribers why did I stop my coronavirus diaries?
Well a number of things in my life imploded all at the same time and as well as having a massive emotional breakdown I had a bit of a mental one as well.
Let me explain what happened.
At the start of March I lost my dad and then almost a month to the day of my dad dying one of my close friends died suddenly after a fall in his home.
The news of his death instantly plunged me back in to a pit of despair and brought memories of my dad’s death. This ended up resetting my grieving process back to the day of dads death and I’ve ended up grieving for my dad and Bruce.
Two deaths so close together really knocked me for six and then not being able to, first of all see his family or even see him in state, but then nobody could even attend the funeral because of Coronavirus restrictions. This has meant I haven’t been unable to pay my respects to either him or his family.
This makes me incredibly sad but I will go and pay my respects eventually.
I did get to see his funeral on video a few days later and it really made me cry all the more.
I’ve also really struggled because I’ve had no support from anyone. My family are all in lockdown as are friends and even those I have contact with won’t or can’t handle me crying uncontrollably for hours on end. I’ve hugged my dog so much she wouldn’t come near me anymore and I’ve cried myself to sleep slot recently.
I don’t cope well when things I love die and have struggled to detach myself from my grief over the past few weeks.
During this time I struggled to write anything or even do any work at all. Even work on my house! I couldn’t really concentrate at work either and working on my own in a massive warehouse hasn’t done my head any good either.
I’ve also struggled over the past few weeks with my mental state with all the financial worries because of the Coronavirus itself.
It’s not that I’m not working during this lockdown but a lot of my clients have shut up shop and there no more work forthcoming or payments have been withheld as there’s no one in the offices to process these payments.
One of the hardest things about the last 2 weeks is not being able to sit with friends and socialise. Although I’ve done this over the past weekend as my friends have self isolated for 2 weeks as have I, so I went to spend time with them.
I’m more back on an even keel now thanks to the love and support of my mates but I had to stop writing as I was numb with grief.
