Month: May 2020

Self support stockings review (holdups)

This is just a quick review of some self support stockings (Holdups) I’ve purchased recently from, Tights City and I just wanted to let you know how good these stockings actually are, and for the price I havent found anything which comes close to these for quality, price and support.

These stockings from Tights City also come in my size, with up to a 7 xl :O And with me having a 32 inch inside leg means that these actually fit all the way to the top of my legs.

Because these are self support stockings they have 3 bands of the tacky silicone around the top which do a really good job on their own of holding up these stockings but couple them with suspenders and they won’t move an inch down your legs, all day or all night. Or even all day and all night!

I went out in November during the day time and this event carried into the evening time, which turned into an all nighter which turned into a group of us sat round at a friends house drinking and smoking. I spent over 24 hours wearing these self support stocking with suspenders and at no point were they uncomfortable or feel like they were going to fall down. I’ve also fallen asleep while wearing them on more than one occasion. ?

They have a limited number of styles but these products from Mytights have been fantastic and for the price they are great value.

Saturday walk round Manchester city centre

Due to the Coronavirus i’ve been doing loads of work in Manchester at all hours of the day and this has allowed me to see Manchester in a different light and see what the city has been like while there have been little or no humans in the City.

On Saturday I was down on Deansgate and decided to have a walk round the city a little and walked down Deansgate, across onto the Arndale and then Piccadilly gardens. I then walked down into the village and then over to St Peter’s square and finally past Deansgate locks and into Castlefield. Also took a quick detour down the canal to look at the graffiti on what was the Hacienda.

Its was a lovely day but I was trying to take a photo of Eastgate building om Castle Street and ended up breaking one of the heels on the cobbles. Either that or it was that shoes time to pass on (ha). I have walked a lot of miles in them so it was probably for the best instead of on a night out!

A little walk round Manchester

I had to go into Manchester on the 23rd May to drop keys and equipment off at a clients so too full advantage of a walk round the city centre. Its not the first time i’ve been in there since Coronavirus lockdown but it was still very very quiet around most of the city centre.

I walked down Deansgate and across to the Arndale and then back up to Piccadilly gardens and from there over to Picadilly Station and then down Canal Street and onto St Peter’s Square and then back down past Deansgate locks and back to Castlefield where i’d parked up.

As you can see from the photos it is very quiet in the city especially when you know what its normally like at 3pm on a Saturday.

Also broke my heels on the cobbles on Castle street. My own fault trying to get a decent photo of Eastgate on Castle street.

Bowknot T-strap Platform with Thick Heel Mary Jane Pump Shoes

Okay, I admit it I bought these because i’ve got 2 pairs of these Bowtie High Heels Pumps Ankle Strap Shoes but secretly wanted the Red ones.

I ordered them at the start of May from Ebay and they took just over 3 weeks to arrive.

Initial reaction is “Wow, these are shiny” and they do fit but they need stretching a little as they are a little tight around the front.

They look amazing on and cant wait to wear these down in the village with a matching dress.

My thoughts on the postponement of Manchester Pride 2020

Just let me say before I even start my rant that I am hyper, hyper pissed off that this has been cancelled but taking my selfish hat off I realise that with the current situation with Coronavirus the event can’t go ahead. I know its such a shame but hopefully I can get everything i’ve paid for to roll over to next years event?

When we started the Coronavirus lockdown my initial thoughts weren’t “Oh I hope everybody is going to be ok”. No, they were fuck this is going to seriously screwed up my social calendar. Selfish I know but sometimes I do only think about me.

On the first week of lockdown a number of events I was planning on attending in May and June were cancelled straight away and my biggest concern about the speed they cancelled these major events was are they going to cancel Manchester Pride 2020.

I’ve joined lots of social media groups, information pages, Instagram and news feeds despirate for news of events, cancellations or event just a little snippet of news about events and mainly Manchester Pride.

Come 11th May and the people who run Manchester Pride announce the postponement of the Manchester Pride 2020 event (cry)

My initial reaction was, noooooo, and I admit I burst into tears but then I read the announcement and I understand where the organisers are coming from with the Coronavirus situation.

While I am incredibly sad as it’s an amazing LGBT event I don’t want to maybe die for a weekend of fun and frivolity.

Well not from a virus anyway!

My tickets roll over to the 2021 event automatically so that tickets taken care of but it’s all the other stuff I have to now rearrange as I’d already booked, beauticians, waxing, nails, hair, hotels, train tickets, and a few other things.

If you don’t see me in a week send a search party as I’ll be emailing, phoning or sending smoke signals

Need a coronavirus test? Here’s what to expect at the Coronavirus test center.

On 16th May I awoke feeling like shite and the only way I can explain how I felt was, well imagine you have a medium-size dog sat on your chest, while you’re coughing and while you’re sweating profusely. Last time I felt this bad I had a Urinary Tract Infection and was delirious.

I phoned my doctors, who pointed me at NHS 111, who then said I need to have a Coronavirus test and pointed me at the online booking system and the nearest available test center. Very few appointments at Stoke and Knutsford, so off to the next nearest Coronavirus test center at Manchester Airport.

About an hour later I am turning into the test center at Manchester Airport.

For those that do not know there is a staff car park near to the Romper pub and the Aviation viewing park and this has been turned into a makeshift Coronavirus testing center.

The first thing you notice as you arrive are all the signs saying, “Keep your windows closed” and “Follow staff directions”

In other words go to where they are directing you.

There are people stood at the entrance and at various checkpoints as you drive into the site and all of them hold up little signs telling you where to go, lots of people in masks and gloves.

I’m told to stop just after the second checkpoint.

I stop. A member of staff comes over to my car with a sign in her hands which says “Keep windows closed” There’s also another big yellow sign in front of me saying the same.

She then shows me another card which asks for my Test ID code which was texted to me when I made the appointment. The system texts a link to a webpage, which asks you to put in your date of birth, and then it displays the QR code. I hold my mobile up, screen outwards so the lady can scan in the QR code displayed on the screen. Once used the code doesn’t work anymore.

She disappears for a second and comes back with a piece of paper in a little see through bag which she then places under the wiper blade on my car, this isn’t for me but the staff at the next station. Don’t know what they would do if it was raining?

Anyway, off we go again and now with my piece of paper I am directed to a Gate. These are the lanes that contain the actual testing stations.

I am told to go to Gate 3 and the marshal’s point me down the correct lane.

As gate 3 already has a few cars in it and I have to queue for about 20 minutes before it’s my turn. I am ushered forwards until I reach the actual testing station. I could see about 6 of these at the Airport site.

When I reach the testing station, I am asked to roll down my window and a young man called Dan introduces himself and explains the procedure.

“Hi I’m Dan and I’ll be administering the test today. Have you had a Coronavirus test before?”


“Okay what we’re going to do is take a swab from the very back of your throat and then another swab from as far up your nose as possible for about 10 seconds each. So, are you okay with this?”

Nods, Yes.

“Good can you blow your nose for me as hard as you can?” and he hands me a tissue.

I blow my nose.

“Right, if you’re ready to open your mouth, let’s get you tested”

I open my mouth and Dan puts the swab right down to the back of my throat. My gag reflex isn’t the best and it’s only in the second I feel like I might gag.

“Good now we need to do the nose swab. Please if you feel like you’re going to sneeze then please try hang on or tell me and I’ll remove the swab. Please don’t sneeze as it will get messy. For both of us” and he giggles! “It’s not good when people sneeze”

“Which nostril do you want it in?” The answer now I know is neither!

Right one please.

Dan pushes the swab up my nose to the point where it’s almost painful it feels so far up. Like he’s touching the bottom of my brain. I manage not to sneeze until a few seconds after he has finished but the movement of the swab did make me sneeze. They twirl it in your nose and it tickles your nostril.

Dan disappears and comes back out with a card which contains a summary of the test center, a bar code, and a test reference.

“It can take a few days to get the results so best you self-isolate”

Is that everything?

“Yes, we’ll text you when the results are ready”

And with that I drive off and out of the center. Arrival to exit took less than 30 minutes.

I await the results with bated breath.

Have I got Coronavirus? I really fucking hope not.

I received my results some 36 hours later and they were Negative. ♠

Why I don’t have a TV

Number one.
I don’t have time. No, seriously! I do not have time to watch television.

I work for myself and I spend all my time either organising my employees are organising myself. Either that or doing accounts or out of hours maintenance on the Servers I manage,

The rest of my spare time is spent with my girlfriend relaxing or socialising. We go out walking, we go to the pub, we go out for meals, we go shopping and we go out night clubbing. It is very rare that we’ve just sit and watch TV.

Number two.
The second reason I don’t have a television is the BBC license fee. If the BBC is such a great institution why we are not sat just watching the BBC all day long? Why do other TV companies exist if the BBC is such an amazing organisation. Basically because it’s crap and I refuse to pay £157.50 a year to an organisation whose channels I would very rarely watch. The fact that is also called a licence fee is in fact a tax on having a television, I accept the tax isn’t collected by the government, it’s collected by a faceless organisation whose morals and ideas are beyond question. The Jimmy Savile scandal and several other celebrities have made me realise just how corrupt the BBC actually are.

People in the BBC must have known what was going on but they set their with their fingers in their ears going “la la la were not listening”. And then when the Scandal came out they’ve done very little to actually appease the situation.

Number three.
And the third reason “Its Shit!”.

The last time I had a television was 2015 and I had close to 500 channels at my disposal and I still struggle to find anything to watch, especially on the BBC. Even then although I spent all my time watching Discovery Channel or Sky News I still have to pay for a BBC licence fee.

Number four.
The BBC, in my opinion, is just a government mouth piece and offers Zero impartiality, especially the news. During the Coronavirus I’d say this has got worse from what i’ve watched while in lockdown at friends.

Number five.
The BBC doesnt advertise. Oh, yes it bloody well does. Watch the One show on any day of the week and see adverts for its other shows thinly masquerading as features. Whether it be David Walliams plugging his new BBC published book or Strictly come dancing or some other BS BBC program.

BBC radio is the same and constantly you’ll be exposed to adverts for other BBC services, BBC sounds app, Iplayer, etc.

So, I don’t have a television. I don’t want a television. So stop pecking my head BBC about buying a license!

Why do you treat me so bad

This was written as a quick poem to a woman I once loved.

Why do you treat me so bad

Although I love you like mad,
All you do is treat me bad,
And every single word you say,
Is like a knife which takes away,
My heart and soul, the life in me,
Eroded by your thoughts, bitterly.

The times you shout, look down at me,
The things I do, for you and me,
You shout and scream or tut and sigh,
These things you do, they make me die,
My heart it breaks a little bit,
As you constantly treat me like shit.

I work so hard to provide,
But all you do is ride my hide,
It seems to me that all i do,
Is never really enough for you,
Mental torment all the time,
But in the end, you crossed the line.

Came home one day, we argued lots,
Like a rabid dog, not had its shots,
You shouted, screamed and then you cried,
“I’ll kill you then”, a knife you pried,
I took it off you but then you said,
“I’ll kill myself”, “I’d rather be dead”.

I knew right there and then,
We’re finished, over, fait accompli,
I left the house, couldn’t be there no more,
I know you took my heart that day,
Stabbed it, metaphorically, threw it away,
Took my love and I died inside.

Now I’m not with you anymore,
Happy now, no woes from you,
It made me sad, now not with you,
Our relationship worth not a jot,
So, no longer will you treat me bad,
I’m gone my dear and that’s your lot.

Why did I stop writing my Coronavirus diaries?

I’ve been asked by a few subscribers why did I stop my coronavirus diaries?

Well a number of things in my life imploded all at the same time and as well as having a massive emotional breakdown I had a bit of a mental one as well.

Let me explain what happened.

At the start of March I lost my dad and then almost a month to the day of my dad dying one of my close friends died suddenly after a fall in his home.

The news of his death instantly plunged me back in to a pit of despair and brought memories of my dad’s death. This ended up resetting my grieving process back to the day of dads death and I’ve ended up grieving for my dad and Bruce.

Two deaths so close together really knocked me for six and then not being able to, first of all see his family or even see him in state, but then nobody could even attend the funeral because of Coronavirus restrictions. This has meant I haven’t been unable to pay my respects to either him or his family.

This makes me incredibly sad but I will go and pay my respects eventually.

I did get to see his funeral on video a few days later and it really made me cry all the more.

I’ve also really struggled because I’ve had no support from anyone. My family are all in lockdown as are friends and even those I have contact with won’t or can’t handle me crying uncontrollably for hours on end. I’ve hugged my dog so much she wouldn’t come near me anymore and I’ve cried myself to sleep slot recently.

I don’t cope well when things I love die and have struggled to detach myself from my grief over the past few weeks.

During this time I struggled to write anything or even do any work at all. Even work on my house! I couldn’t really concentrate at work either and working on my own in a massive warehouse hasn’t done my head any good either.

I’ve also struggled over the past few weeks with my mental state with all the financial worries because of the Coronavirus itself.

It’s not that I’m not working during this lockdown but a lot of my clients have shut up shop and there no more work forthcoming or payments have been withheld as there’s no one in the offices to process these payments.

One of the hardest things about the last 2 weeks is not being able to sit with friends and socialise. Although I’ve done this over the past weekend as my friends have self isolated for 2 weeks as have I, so I went to spend time with them.

I’m more back on an even keel now thanks to the love and support of my mates but I had to stop writing as I was numb with grief.

Happier now I’ve embraced Mikki

At Manchester Pride 2019 I had my born again experience and I wanted to write about it as it’s fundamentally changed my life. First this was for the worst and secondly for the better.

Let me explain what happened and then why it changed my life and how it has fundentally changed me as a person as well.

Prior to pride I had a few experiences which led me down the road I am now on. These did involve, firstly me dressing in woman’s underwear on a few occasions and secondly, meeting some new friends who were very open minded about sex, their sexuality and talking about sex. Something, us British are shit at talking about. Believe me when I say we’ve talked over the past few months. Really talked.

I’ve written before at length about my surpression of dressing up and how I was made to feel ashamed of doing this in the past but it’s something I can’t suppress any longer and I will not be made to feel ashamed in anyway shape or form. I’ll tell people to piss off before I let them belittle or shame me.

I look at my life that at the very least I am an effeminate man or a crossdresser but I’d say I am something more as I don’t only want to dress as a woman occasionally. Nor is this a sexual thing, some kind of sexual perversion. I actually want to dress full-time as a woman. I’d be quite happy and on numerous occasions I have walked round my local supermarkets and town centre before or after big nights out. I’ve even been to lunch with one of my clients in Alderney Edge and Nantwich. She loves going out with Mikki.

If I am working and can’t be Mikki then as soon as I am home it’s showered, shaved, make up on, dress on. Otherwise I am Mikki all the time.

Telling my friends was so hard at first as I didnt know what to expect. After not speaking about being Mikki and thinking about the coming out situation and admitting to myself that I can’t lie about being Mikki. I told my friends who have melted my heart with their support, understanding and most of all encouragement.

I absolutely love my life friends, Nay, I adore them and yes I do tell them I love them eveytime we say “see you soon”. These are the people I would trust my life to, and on one or two occasions I have done when things haven’t gone right in my life.

One or two of them have said “What took you so long?” or “We were wondering what the change was about” but most of them have said one of the following.

“I love you because I love to be with you”, “Your sexuality is no concern of mine”, “Irrespective of what you’re wearing, if your wearing a dress or trousers then your still my friend”. Everyone has said how much happier I am in the past few months since I admitted to myself “This is who I am”.

And I am so much happier. I’m not carrying round this confusion about who I am and why am I having those thoughts!

  • Is there something wrong with me?
  • Why do I feel like that?
  • Why does that appeal to me so much that I would like to wear it?

In past relationships I have watched my partner’s dress or spent much longer looking at them than sometimes its “weird”.

I wasn’t thinking “phwoar” or some other sexual thoughts, okay maybe, I did that as well. I am looking at these lovely ladies and watching them brush their hair, put their makeup on, pull a pair of stockings up, button up their blouse, apply mascara or event just putting on a pair of shoes. I would look at them and think, how does she do that so quickly? No, how does she do that? Wow, look at that! I want to look like that.

I’ve seen my partner’s dresses up and thought how I’d like to wear what they are and feel what they must feel like. After Manchester Pride and the reaction I got at Pride, I felt about 10 foot tall.

I, and I know I’ve said “I” a lot recently but, yes I am really happy about finding myself, sure I am also quite sad that I went about finding myself in the way I did but if it hadn’t have happened as it did would I be as happy and in the same place I am now? Or would I still be surpressing my desires?

Some may say, your desires should remain just that, desires. Bollocks, desire is what makes us strive and move forward in life does it not? If you have no desire how do you function in life? Ooooh, maybe that a discussion I need to have with my Psychotherapist?!

I am firstly happy to have found me, not just my feminine side, but also my honest side where I’ve said, be honest with you. Be honest with what you want. Be honest to your loved ones. Be honest about what you want in your life.

One knows that slapping on make up and putting on a pair of heals a woman does not make but the journey I embark on is some 49 years in the making and everyday is a school day.

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