Anxiety again, doing my head in.
Cant be myself, Stepping backward again,
Because, I can’t be, the real me,
A dose of anxiety as bad as can be.
Working away, 2 weeks, 10 hours a day,
Work environment says, no heels, no make-up,
Can’t even call myself by my name, resort to my dead name,
My mental anguish, this is failing to fix.
The longer I’m not me, personality locked away,
I think that I’m not doing the right thing over and over again,
This makes me feel like I’m worthless, not worthy of life,
It’s not happening as I want and I’ll never be good enough.
I wake and exist, my life feels so numb,
This job makes me feel so bad inside of my head,
Work hard all day and then return to an empty hotel room,
No pub I can go to, so I lie on my bed.
I can’t sleep either, don’t want to be here,
Anywhere is preferential, so I sit here and sink,
My thoughts screaming at me, my anxiety makes me feel bad,
I try to be cheery, but end up more sad.
Why am I worried, why should I care,
No one gives a shit about me out there,
I toss and I turn but anxiety says,
Soon you’ll have to get up and face another day.
My anxiety now raging, feeling bad deep inside,
but the thoughts in my head, can’t escape from this time,
I hate how I feel and I hate how I look,
Not who I want to be, this is not who I am.
I slumber a little but awake with a jolt,
My mind it is racing, say’s you’re something your not,
I arise and I shower, catch a glimpse in the mirror,
This person I see, not pleasant, not a winner.
One more day’s work and a night in my Covid lockdown box,
Then I can leave this work prison and get back to my life,
Look forward to arising and getting dressed up so nice,
One more day at this shit hole of a place.
I finish after 14 hours and shower and lay on my bed,
Tomorrow my life returns to normality, inside and outside my head,
I sleep like a baby and arise fully rested and set,
Can dress as me today, my patience long tested.
I arise many hours before I have to leave the Covid hotel,
Preen myself into oblivion, today I return to myself,
I dress like a queen, best of everything i’ve got,
Look like a million dollars, in the mirror I spot.
2 hours go by and I feel fit to burst,
High heels, stockings, and suspenders, my long dress does hide,
My suitcase is packed, place my coat on my shoulders,
Step outside my room, my excitement can’t hide.
I catch my reflection in the mirror in reception,
Damn babes, you look like you, you look fab,
I step outside the hotel and my anxiety flies away,
I wave a little but know it will be back another day.
In 5 hours, I return to my home,
I feel amazing even though I’m alone,
Dressed like I want to, I step from the car,
Back home now bitches, I’m Mikki and proud.
